Scared to Death
by bakahirokun
Summary: How will Makoto be able to face the truth that the one he loved for so long left already left him?


**[A/N]** Hi. Deleted my old post because I had issues with breaking the story. So I fixed it myself lol.

Hope you like this drabble and do not hate me because of what I wrote. Reviews are welcomed with open arms and accepted wholeheartedly. 3

-Hiro

* * *

><p>Hello there, Rin.<p>

How are you? It's been a while since I met you. No, it's been two months, three weeks and seven days since I last saw you. I could still see your face everywhere I go. Where did you go? Do you know that I miss you so much? Everyone misses you. Please come back.

It's been a while since I was placed in this room. It's really scary; all I could see was white. The other colors I could see was from your Samezuka jacket that I held on for god knew how long. It reminds me of your cocky personality that I loved the most. It was the only memory that I'm holding on since you left us, the only string of sanity I have before I totally lose my mind. It pains me to the bone that everyone thinks that I have gone crazy, but no… I am completely sane. I know when I would snap out. If they took your jacket away from me, that might be the end of my sanity.

Remember the time when we first met? You had a liking on Haru before, right? But Haru did not reciprocate your feelings, because I told him so. I like you so much. I admire how you could swim so freely like him. I loved your determination, even though it leads you up to no good a couple of times. I watched you from afar, constantly struggling to be accepted. I was able to see you grow as an individual, as a leader. I was so proud of you back then.

When we left our schools, I tried my best to be the person you wanted. I studied hard to become a good swimming instructor just like Coach Sasabe. I'll tell you a little secret: I know what you were doing because I asked Haru to watch you for me while I'm busy. Creepy, right? Not when you're in love with someone. In my case, I fell in love with you

After a few years, we were able to reach our goals. You and Haru were able to compete internationally; on the other hand I was able to help Coach Sasabe train kids on how to swim. I prepared myself emotionally so that when you come back to Iwatobi, you would be able to see the fruits of my hard work. For years, I could only hear stories about you from your former teammates, aside from the news Rei and Nagisa constantly email me. I was hoping that you could see your ideal man in me. I was hoping that you would never reject me.

Then you went home earlier than I expected, and all the guts I kept inside me flew away… like dead leaves dancing with the afternoon wind.

Remember the time I first saw you? You laughed at me because I cried so hard. I could still remember the exact words you said: "You act like my mom, Makoto." After that, we laughed uncontrollably. I just missed you that time, Rin. I just missed you so much.

I could still remember the face that you made when I confessed to you, your face suddenly turned white. You asked me constantly, "Why me? Why not Haru? You've been together for so long, right?" I answered you and your face turned crimson. I could recall how your face turned to crimson red. I courted you, night and day, just to prove that my feelings for you weren't a joke. Every single day, I made you feel like a prince. I thought that you would not return my admiration, but when you said that you love me too, it felt like heaven. It felt like angels sang in front of us…

**~bakahirokun~**

"Rin Matsuoka, my beloved Samezuka captain, will you marry me?"

The shouts of joy overwhelmed me as I knelt down in front of you. The whole Iwatobi and Samezuka swimming team were around us, screaming "Yes!" as you covered your mouth with your hands. You looked at me as if I was a newly-found treasure; your loving gaze met mine as I smile at you. The admiration in your eyes was so vivid you cried buckets of tears when I showed you the ring I bought with all of my earnings.

We were standing before that tree, the tree when we wrote our dreams and aspirations when were kids. There were lightbulbs everywhere, colors representing every one of us. Goro's smiling at us while holding Amakata-sensei's hand. Rei's arms were wrapped around Nagisa's waist. Haru, on the other hand, was standing before Kisumi. The Mikoshiba brothers are constantly shouting, cheering before us. I then looked back at you, and God help me, but the way you sobbed was music to my ears.

"Rin, say yes."

"M-Makoto…"

"Oh, dear… Please say yes…"

The crowd went silent, waiting for your answer. Those seconds felt like eternity as my hand tightened its' grip to the ring box. After a few moments you approached me, pulled me up and kissed me wholeheartedly. The people roared in happiness as I wrapped my arms around your slim body, accepting the kiss you initiated. It was a picture-perfect moment for us, Rin. It was magical.

"Yes, Makoto... It's a yes."

I then looked at your eyes. Oh, those cardinal irises, the most beautiful of all irises I've met. I immediately took out the ring, threw the ring box out of excitement and placed it on your finger, silently sobbing as I watched the ring fit perfectly your finger.

"Makoto…"

"Ever heard of changing your surname, husband? In a few days, months or years… you will be called 'Rin Tachibana'. How does that sound?"

"Beautiful."

"Then never let me go, Rin. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Makoto."

Everyone roared in glee as they approached us. Haru smiled at me as he pulled me in a tight embrace. The whole Iwatobi team congratulated us, especially you, who were crying constantly after accepting my proposal. The former Samezuka captain and his brother approached me and gave their blessings. Nitori was crying too, for all I know he had feelings with you the whole time he was staying at Samezuka. Nitori approached me, sobbing.

"T-Take care of Matsuoka-s-senpai.."

"Of course, I will." I then pulled him in a hug.

"Oi, Makoto. Don't cheat on me." You glared at us, and suddenly smiled. The crowd let out a hearty laugh as I gave you another kiss, much sweeter than before.

I thought it was already forever. I thought our life story would be never ending…

Then my eyes opened again.

Here I am, alone in this room, waiting for you to come back. Get me out of here, Rin Tachibana. I don't want to stay here anymore. Please… I want to see you for the last time, before I let you go completely. Please… I love you so much. This place makes me crazy. I'm terrified by the fact that I won't be able to see you again. I'm scared to death, that living this lonely life without you would never happen. I don't want to die yet, but your death took away almost everything, because you were everything… and you will always be my everything.

I'll definitely wait for your arrival, even if it will take me another day, month, year, or century. I will stay here in this room. I still have your jacket; I need to return it back to you. I miss you so much, my husband. I love you so much.

I will wait for your return.

**~bakahirokun~**

"Makoto-senpai…" Gou whispered as she traced her fingers against the glass window, watching the olive-haired man spoke to himself again for the umpteenth time. Watching Makoto inside the room tore her heart into tiny pieces. Instead of wearing his usual clothes, he was wearing a white hospital gown. His eyes were almost blank. He lost weight; the muscles she admired from him were no more. What they saw was a different Makoto. It was the third month of their visit, and he hasn't made progress. According to his personal doctor, he was sitting on his bed every day, hugging his deceased brother's jacket as he talked to himself to sleep. Beside her was the former Iwatobi team. Nagisa was bawling his eyes out as he buried his face on Rei's jacket. Haru on the other hand was silently staring at Makoto.

"What will happen to Mako-chan, Rei-chan?" Nagisa spoke in between of his sobs.

"I don't know, dear." Rei answered softly, holding back his tears. "Makoto-senpai haven't accepted the fact that Rin-senpai already p—"He breathed heavily before continuing. "Uhm… passed away."

Gou cried silently after remembering the sole reason why Makoto turned into this wreck. His brother passed away a few months after their wedding. The sad fact was his brother was brutally murdered in front of Makoto. No wonder why Makoto couldn't accept it. He was there, watching helplessly as the perpetrators stabbed his husband mercilessly.

How would they live their lives again? There's no answer yet, until Makoto slowly changed into someone they didn't know, someone they never saw but successfully took Makoto in a deeper place inch by inch. Every fiber of his being was contaminated by the sadness that was tattooed inside his heart. He was his one and only. Rin Matsuoka was the love of his life, and now, he's gone. How would he be able to start again if the light that he searched endlessly was taken away from him? How would they be able to start over again?

"He will come back."

Everyone looked at Haru whose eyes were fixed to the olive-haired man.

"I trust him. We should trust him. He gave up so much for us, we should believe in him. I know he will overcome this. I know he will come back to us."

The rest of the team nodded, and made their way out of the facility. On the other hand, Makoto threw a dead gaze at his former teammates, and eventually continued talking to himself, constantly talking to Rin's jacket that he held on since the day he was confined at the mental clinic.


End file.
